I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
