I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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