I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize