Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize