these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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