I smell stomach acid.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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