Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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