Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
