the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
