On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
