It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
