I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
