theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
