I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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