Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your topless pictures make me question reality
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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