***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
