New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
