Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
