So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
