upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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