Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
