The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
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