Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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