he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
