the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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