someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
