It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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