I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
