Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
