it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
