So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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