I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
