Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
