What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
