I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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