Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
