I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I did not marry a roomba.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
