he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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