Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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