i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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