so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
