looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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