You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
