There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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