I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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