His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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