Sponge bath it is.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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