every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
