you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
