Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
