i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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