i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
