if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
