if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
