I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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