I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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