I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
