so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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