Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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