i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
