I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
