Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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