My hand turned me down
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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