I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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