I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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