I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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