i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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