Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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