dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
