but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
