is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
