it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
