i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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