i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
