Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
