why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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