You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
